My Adoption Story
When we were married in 1961, my wife was in school planning to become a social worker. She quit to take a full-time job until I graduated. With a new degree in hand, and a good job with a Fortune 500 company, we set out to start a family, but there were no results. We did everything the doctors suggested, but still no results. In desperation, we applied for adoption with the Children's Home Society in 1969. After completing the application and qualification process, we expected to wait up to two years for a placement. "the pill" had reduced the number of unwanted pregnancies, and there was a shortage of adoptable babies. My wife explained to her boss that she intended to quit to become a homemaker when we received a baby.
The wait was shorter than she expected. We wanted a child so badly, we made no restrictions as to sex, race, physical condition, whatever. Within two weeks we received a call from Children's Home that they had a newborn. They told us the baby had a severe heart defect and would require open heart surgery. We were crestfallen. After discussing it, we decided we were not prepared to take on that kind of responsibility. We declined, fearing that our name would go to the bottom of the list.
To our surprise, we received another call in a short time. They had a two week old mixed race baby ready for adoption. We made arrangements to go to Children's Home on Friday to see the child. He was so little he looked like a doll. His eyes were so black, you could not see pupils, they looked like black marbles. His hair was black and stuck straight out. They told us his dad was a Chippewa Indian and his mom was a blond blue-eyed Scandinavian like my wife. My dad was a mutt, but always made a point of talking about his great grandmother who was a Cherokee Indian. We told the agency we wanted him. They told us they would have him ready for placement on Monday. We had one weekend to do what natural birth couples do in nine months. We scanned the paper for garage sales with baby stuff. On Saturday morning we went to the first garage sale and bought everything they had - the crib, the stroller, the diaper pail - everything. On Monday, my wife informed her boss that the event expected some time in the next year or two had just happened. He almost passed out.
We spent the first terrified night listening for breathing. about 2:00 A.M. we heard what sounded like a little bird, so we nick named him "Peep." His given name became Jeremy. This began the process all parents go through raising children. It's not something for the uninitiated. Fortunately, our doctor had good advice. He said "women are designed to raise babies. If you and Dr. Spock can't figure out what to do, call me." We rarely needed to.
Although adoption agencies don't disclose details about the biological parents, we did learn that the mom had met this soldier on leave from Vietnam. They had some dates, and then he went back to Vietnam. When she learned that she was pregnant, she didn't tell him, and decided to put the baby up for adoption. When he returned from a second tour of duty, he looked her up and discovered what had happened. We later learned that they had been married and had more children. We also learned that he had returned from Vietnam with a problem with drugs and alcohol. In 1975, I changed jobs, we moved, and we lost contact with the Children's Home Society.
If Jeremy's unwed mother had decided it was too inconvenient to be pregnant, and had an abortion, he would not exist. He would never have become a swimming champion with an Olympic qualifying time. He would not have obtained a degree from Ball State University moved to Indianapolis, and married a swimming coach. I would not have two grandchildren to visit.
Do adoptive parents love their children the same as biological parents? Are you kidding? We didn't make him, we chose him, just as the Lord chose us to be His children. We told him from the time he was little that we had chosen him because he was special. We taught him about his Native American heritage, and enrolled him as a member of the tribe. He took an interest in the subject, and studied language tapes to learn the Ojibwa language. Everywhere we have gone, people have complimented me on my son who looks just like me - well not really. But he does have a resemblance to my wife who looks a lot like his biological mom.
Part 2
When Jeremy graduated from college, he decided he wanted to try to find his biological parents. I told him I had a friend in school who did that, and it turned out to be a really bad experience. I said you already have a family that loves you, but if it were me, I would want to find out. It was easy, the biological parents had put a note in the file at Children's Home Society that if he ever wanted to make contact, to give him the information.
In his first visit, he met not only his biological parents, but his uncles who are elders of the tribe. He found he has three brothers and a sister, full biological siblings. His father had been born again and delivered from drugs and alcohol by Jesus. He is now an ordained minister, working as a counselor for the reservation. The tribal fathers were blown away by Jeremy who appeared suddenly, who could speak the language and understood the problems on the reservation.
In 1995, Jeremy's brothers and sister joined us at our home in Florida for Christmas. My wife and his biological mom became good friends, and spent many hours on the phone swapping stories. Jeremy became a role model for his siblings, and so far all but one have gone on to attend college.
My wife passed away in 1999, before Jeremy was married, but his biological family all joined together when his sister was married in 2006.
Postscript
During the events above prior to 1999, I was not a born-again Christian. I had attended Church on and off, but did not have a relationship with Jesus. When my wife died in 1999, I was devastated, and thought about killing myself. God intervened, and I turned my life over to Jesus in September, 2000. I retired in 2003, after being called into the ministry.
The wait was shorter than she expected. We wanted a child so badly, we made no restrictions as to sex, race, physical condition, whatever. Within two weeks we received a call from Children's Home that they had a newborn. They told us the baby had a severe heart defect and would require open heart surgery. We were crestfallen. After discussing it, we decided we were not prepared to take on that kind of responsibility. We declined, fearing that our name would go to the bottom of the list.
To our surprise, we received another call in a short time. They had a two week old mixed race baby ready for adoption. We made arrangements to go to Children's Home on Friday to see the child. He was so little he looked like a doll. His eyes were so black, you could not see pupils, they looked like black marbles. His hair was black and stuck straight out. They told us his dad was a Chippewa Indian and his mom was a blond blue-eyed Scandinavian like my wife. My dad was a mutt, but always made a point of talking about his great grandmother who was a Cherokee Indian. We told the agency we wanted him. They told us they would have him ready for placement on Monday. We had one weekend to do what natural birth couples do in nine months. We scanned the paper for garage sales with baby stuff. On Saturday morning we went to the first garage sale and bought everything they had - the crib, the stroller, the diaper pail - everything. On Monday, my wife informed her boss that the event expected some time in the next year or two had just happened. He almost passed out.
We spent the first terrified night listening for breathing. about 2:00 A.M. we heard what sounded like a little bird, so we nick named him "Peep." His given name became Jeremy. This began the process all parents go through raising children. It's not something for the uninitiated. Fortunately, our doctor had good advice. He said "women are designed to raise babies. If you and Dr. Spock can't figure out what to do, call me." We rarely needed to.
Although adoption agencies don't disclose details about the biological parents, we did learn that the mom had met this soldier on leave from Vietnam. They had some dates, and then he went back to Vietnam. When she learned that she was pregnant, she didn't tell him, and decided to put the baby up for adoption. When he returned from a second tour of duty, he looked her up and discovered what had happened. We later learned that they had been married and had more children. We also learned that he had returned from Vietnam with a problem with drugs and alcohol. In 1975, I changed jobs, we moved, and we lost contact with the Children's Home Society.
If Jeremy's unwed mother had decided it was too inconvenient to be pregnant, and had an abortion, he would not exist. He would never have become a swimming champion with an Olympic qualifying time. He would not have obtained a degree from Ball State University moved to Indianapolis, and married a swimming coach. I would not have two grandchildren to visit.
Do adoptive parents love their children the same as biological parents? Are you kidding? We didn't make him, we chose him, just as the Lord chose us to be His children. We told him from the time he was little that we had chosen him because he was special. We taught him about his Native American heritage, and enrolled him as a member of the tribe. He took an interest in the subject, and studied language tapes to learn the Ojibwa language. Everywhere we have gone, people have complimented me on my son who looks just like me - well not really. But he does have a resemblance to my wife who looks a lot like his biological mom.
Part 2
When Jeremy graduated from college, he decided he wanted to try to find his biological parents. I told him I had a friend in school who did that, and it turned out to be a really bad experience. I said you already have a family that loves you, but if it were me, I would want to find out. It was easy, the biological parents had put a note in the file at Children's Home Society that if he ever wanted to make contact, to give him the information.
In his first visit, he met not only his biological parents, but his uncles who are elders of the tribe. He found he has three brothers and a sister, full biological siblings. His father had been born again and delivered from drugs and alcohol by Jesus. He is now an ordained minister, working as a counselor for the reservation. The tribal fathers were blown away by Jeremy who appeared suddenly, who could speak the language and understood the problems on the reservation.
In 1995, Jeremy's brothers and sister joined us at our home in Florida for Christmas. My wife and his biological mom became good friends, and spent many hours on the phone swapping stories. Jeremy became a role model for his siblings, and so far all but one have gone on to attend college.
My wife passed away in 1999, before Jeremy was married, but his biological family all joined together when his sister was married in 2006.
Postscript
During the events above prior to 1999, I was not a born-again Christian. I had attended Church on and off, but did not have a relationship with Jesus. When my wife died in 1999, I was devastated, and thought about killing myself. God intervened, and I turned my life over to Jesus in September, 2000. I retired in 2003, after being called into the ministry.
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